Reading List
“For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”
― Anne Lamott
from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life
Outside of people, books are my great love.
I linked each title to my local bookstore for fun - not compensation. Just a little encouragement to support an independent bookstore!
I’m sure I’ve missed some great books here, so the list will be updated regularly.
I read voraciously and love to pass along favorites. Here are the self-help books that I find myself mentioning to clients, passing along to friends, and, the truest test of my devotion, leaving alone during bookshelf purges.
HOW TO LIVE
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LOST CONNECTIONS
by JOHANN HARI
This is a terrific book explaining how modern life exacerbates depression and anxiety and how to combat it. I cited some of Hari’s ideas in this blog post.
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JOYFUL
by INGRID FETELL LEE
In Joyful, Lee looks at how our physical world impacts our mood and happiness. Basically it will give you permission to spring for fresh flowers, buy the fuchsia tea pot, and book the room with the view. You’re welcome!
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OFF THE CLOCK
by LAURA VANDERKAM
Vanderkam has written several books encouraging us to get real about how we spend our time (by tracking it instead of guessing), in order to use that time better. This book goes further, encouraging us to consider and plan our time, moment by moment, to consciously create a meaningful life.
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THE POWER OF MOMENTS
by CHIP HEATH & DAN HEATH
The Heaths’ book is about amplifying moments to create impact and memories. It is written for a business audience, but is widely applicable, especially to family life. Read this in tandem with Off the Clock.
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WHY BUDDHISM IS TRUE
by ROBERT WRIGHT
If a science-based book about meditation sounds dull - it’s not. Wright is an engaging, funny writer and he takes the reader on his own journey from skeptic to evangelist. This book convinced me to finally start meditating regularly. I am indebted.
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MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEBODY
by LORI GOTTLIEB
Part memoir, part treatise, this book is mainly a love letter to therapy. Gottlieb is a warm, engaging companion, and a terrific subject on each side of the therapeutic relationship. I gobbled it up.
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THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES
by BRUCE FEILER
With an eye on both problem solving and optimization, Feiler applies strategies from a variety of disciplines, including science, the military, sports, and business, to his family life. There are dozens of excellent, instantly applicable ideas in this fun, engaging book.
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DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
by DOUGLAS STONE, BRUCE PATTON & SHEILA HEEN
Difficult Conversation is the best kind of how-to book - clear, concise, and direct. It promises a roadmap through the conversations we dread, and it delivers.
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BOUNDARIES
by DR. HENRY CLOUD & DR. JOHN TOWNSEND
In this bestseller, Cloud and Townsend lay out how to set healthy, reasonable limits with the people around us. While all of the principles laid out in the book are sound and applicable, the authors rely heavily on Christain doctrine, which may be a turn-off to some readers.
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NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION
by MARSHALL B. ROSENBERG, Ph.D
Non-violent communication is the practice of behaving in a way that does not harm others. This requires attention to power dynamics, language, and empathy. Required reading for those seeking peace and connection.
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UNTAMED
by GLENNON DOYLE
Untamed is Doyle’s manifesto encouraging women to challenge the status quo and stop abandoning themselves in service of others. The book is infused with insight, humor, and profound insights.
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FAIR PLAY
by EVE RODSKY
Fair Play is based on a game Rodsky created to more fairly divide household chores, which usually fall disproportionately on women. Even more valuable than the game itself is the conversations that the game engenders around invisible labor, gender expectations, and marital resentment.
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THE NOT SO BIG LIFE
by SARAH SUSANKA
This book explores how our lives have gotten as chaotic and cluttered as our homes. Using the principles she uses in her work as an architect, Susanka shows us how to live better. The exercises Susanka provides are excellent.
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BREATH
by JAMES NESTOR
I frequently gift books. Breath stood out because I sent it to three people even before I’d finished it myself. Nestor draws on scientific, cultural, spiritual, and evolutionary history to lay out the importance of breathing properly. The result is the best kind of narrative non-fiction - educational, entertaining, and paradigm-shifting.
HOW TO GROW
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BETTER
by ATUL GAWANDE
I am a Gawande super-fan. He is the only author with two books on this list, and I could have easily put a third, “Check-list,” on here as well. In Better, Gawande explores the quest for mastery and top performance through the world of medicine. How do some doctors, hospitals, interventions, get results so superior to their peers? Riveting.
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TINY HABITS
by BJ FOGG
Fogg has gifted the world with a realistic, compassionate, optimistic model for behavioral change. Make the new habit small, make it fit into your life, and celebrate your (tiny) successes. This is a very fast read and is truly helpful from the first page to the last. Fogg’s enthusiasm is infectious. You will want to start making positive changes the minute you pick up the book.
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RANGE
by DAVID EPSTEIN
I raced through this compelling, thought-provoking book. Epstein argues that it’s the generalists who are more creative, more flexible and able to see connections that their more specialized peers can’t see. It challenges many so-called best practices of parenting, education,
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BIRD BY BIRD
by ANNE LAMOTT
Is anyone more tender, honest, or funny than Anne Lamott? Every Lamott book is a treat just because it’s a chance to hang out with her. This one also has solid writing advice that can easily be retrofitted to any creative endeavor, or even just how to live generally.
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DARING GREATLY
by BRENE BROWN
This book is so widely known and cited that it is tempting to leave it off the list, but it’s so popular for a reason. Brown’s framing of vulnerability and its importance in our relationships make this book required reading.
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GRIT
by ANGELA DUCKWORTH
Well-researched and highly readable, this is Duckworth’s missive to perseverance and determination over potential and talent. My own motto is “Consistency is the only metric,” so she was preaching to the choir. A great one to read along with Dweck’s Mindset.
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MINDSET
by CAROL DWECK
This book is described and referred to so often in other books and articles that you may be tempted to skip the original. Don’t. Reading the book itself is a great way to get into the growth mindset Dweck advocates for here. Indispensable for parents, teachers, and mentors of any sort.
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DEEP WORK
by CAL NEWPORT
Newport is on a mission to challenge the ethos that constant connectivity and highly distracting work environments are healthy or desirable. He challenges the reader to reclaim their brain, time and attention. You will be convinced.
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DESIGNING YOUR LIFE
by BILL BURNETT & DAVE EVANS
Whenever someone is struggling with “What’s next?” career-wise, I always point them to this book. Burnett and Evans apply product design principles to life planning to great effect.
HOW TO LOVE
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THE NEW RULES OF MARRIAGE
by TERRENCE REAL
A great book about how marriages work, where they fail, and how to fix them. I think the book works even better if you’ve seen Terry live, so by all means check out his workshops and events. He’s a force and a great communicator.
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COME AS YOU ARE
by EMILY NAGOSKI, PH.D.
Such an important book it is shocking it didn’t exist before 2015. Here is the sex education you didn’t realize you were missing. A must-read for anyone who really wants to understand women’s sexuality.
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MATING IN CAPTIVITY
by ESTHER PEREL
Perel discusses the difficulties of sustaining attraction and desire in a committed relationship. When this book came out in 2007, it reframed how we think about sex and marriage. This book is still fresh and relevant.
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HOW NOT TO HATE YOUR HUSBAND AFTER KIDS
by JANCEE DUNN
Dunn’s quest to get her marriage back on track after having a baby is funny, relatable, and filled with good suggestions. Your spouse might give you the side-eye when this appears on your nightstand, but it’s worth it.
HOW TO DIE
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BEING MORTAL
by ATUL GAWANDE
This is the book I recommend most often. It should be on the required reading list for all humans. Gawande challenges us to face, and plan for, the realities of illness and death. Consciously thinking about the inevitable can allow us to live with purpose and dignity to the end.
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The Bright Hour
by NINA RIGGS
In the last year of her life, Riggs wrote this stunning memoir. She grapples with her terminal illness, the loss of her mother, and the reality that her children will grow up without her. Riggs writes with such clarity and poetry, we feel her loss acutely. But we also see the beauty she finds in the time she has left. This book is a gift.
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WHEN BREATH BECOMES AIR
by PAUL KALANITHI
Another memoir I couldn’t leave off the list. Kalanithi writes a beautiful book grappling with what it means to live, love, and work while facing your own mortality. It is profound and unforgettable. Being reminded that your own life is fragile and sacred is the best self-help of all.